2013년 11월 22일 금요일

Natashia Viernes 's blog ::From Christian to Deist







Natashia Viernes 's blog ::From Christian to Deist








When               I               graduated               high               school,               I               was               a               Christian               who               wanted               to               be               a               theologian.

After               researching               and               visiting               many               Christian               colleges,               I               finally               settled               on               one.

And               the               fall               after               graduation,               I               started               attending               a               Lincoln               Christian               College               (now               Lincoln               Christian               University)               and               Seminary.

And               it               was               through               the               year               I               attended               Lincoln               that               helped               me               to               question               and               challenge               the               beliefs               of               modern               Christianity               so               that               I               could               be               released               and               accept               a               more               rational               view               of               life,               the               universe               and               everything.

At               Lincoln               Christian               College,               as               I               knew,               the               few               theologically               liberal               beliefs               that               I               held               (acceptance               of               evolution,               belief               in               only               a               temporary               Hell)               would               make               me               a               minority               in               the               school.

Having               talked               to               my               senior               minister               and               youth               minister,               who               both               attended               Lincoln               Christian               College,               I               realized               that               it               was               an               extremely               conservative               school               that               would               frown               on               some               of               my               beliefs.

My               youth               minister,               himself               a               religious               conservative,               had               started               pulling               further               away               from               me               since               I               had               confessed               my               acceptance               of               the               theory               of               evolution,               so               I               knew               it               would               probably               be               much               of               the               same               at               Lincoln.
               Most               of               my               other               views               took               a               back               seat               as               the               people               there               tried               to               understand               how               one               could               be               a               Christian               and               accept               evolution.

It               seemed               like               everyone               at               that               school               equated               evolution               with               Atheism.

I               sat               through               many               classes               and               listened               to               professors               berate               my               views               on               what               I               considered               a               very               beautiful,               poetic               and               majestic               way               God               created               the               universe,               Earth               and               man.

I               got               to               the               highest               point               of               frustration               that               I               had               ever               felt.

One               day               after               I               returned               to               my               dorm               from               a               lecture               where               my               professor               had,               once               again,               discussed               the               evil               and               satanic               ways               of               evolution,               I               took               out               a               dry               erase               marker,               which               I               kept               so               I               could               make               notes               on               my               mirror,               and               I               wrote               in               large               red               letters               across               the               mirror               opposite               of               my               desk,               "Evolution               does               not               equal               Atheism".

When               my               roommate               and               friend               arrived               back               at               the               dorm,               he               saw               what               I               had               written.

He               looked               at               me               and               said,               "Yes               it               does."               When               I               tried               to               get               him               to               further               explain               his               position,               he               simple               said,               "The               bible               tells               us               so."
               On               top               of               that,               there               were               many               more               irrationalities               at               that               school               I               could               not               comprehend.

During               a               lecture               in               my               Principles               of               Bible               Study               class               (Known               throughout               the               body               of               students               as               "PBS")               my               professor,               who               had               seemed               like               a               pretty               outstanding               guy               up               until               this               point,               started               praising               God               for               Hell               and               for               all               of               those               evil               sinners               who               would               burn               forever               in               the               fiery               depths.

This               caused               me               to               see               my               professor               as               a               man               who               might               have               been               a               little               disturbed.

And               I               had               seriously               given               it               thought               to               go               to               the               Dean,               Keith               Ray,               and               ask               if               this               is               a               man               sane               enough               to               teach               college               students,               but               that               thought               left               me               as               soon               as               I               looked               around.

The               whole               class               was               smiling               and               nodding.

When               one               thinks               of               a               leader               giving               a               speech               to               the               members               of               his               cult,               they               might               think               of               the               members               as               nodding               with               a               blank,               ignorant               look               on               their               faced               that               truly               showed               a               lack               of               understanding               in               anything               relevant               to               humanity               or               life               on               this               planet.

That               was               the               smile               and               the               nod               I               saw               in               the               faces               of               these               young               college               students.

It               was               at               that               point               that               my               heart               broke.

It               broke               for               what               I               had               started               referring               to               the               "Irrational               side               of               Christianity".

I               did               not               realize               it,               but               it               was               at               this               very               point               that               I               would               start               heading               away               from               the               center               beliefs               of               Christianity               and               towards               a               more               rational               and               naturalistic               philosophy.
               Amanda,               my               Christian               girlfriend               at               the               time,               never               liked               to               think.

Thinking               always               just               got               in               the               way               of               the               blind               faith               that               made               her               feel               all               warm               and               fuzzy               inside.

And               when               I               would               ask               her               a               question               like               why               do               you               believe               Jesus               was               God               incarnate,               she               would               get               angry               that               I               would               even               have               to               ask               such               a               silly               question               and               tell               me               she               accepts               everything               the               bible               says.
               That               was               my               first,               but               not               last,               run-in               with               the               Christian               logic               known               as               Circular               Reasoning.

The               irrationality               from               Amanda               did               not               affect               me               as               much               as               those               at               my               college               did.

She               was               still               only               a               senior,               and               of               course,               did               not               have               the               maturity               level               of               an               esteemed               college               student               as               myself               and               those               around               me.

And               I               would               repeat               that               little               bit               of               false               information               to               myself               nightly               so               I               could               look               past               the               lack               of               rational               thinking               within               the               person               I               called               "Boo".

But               no               matter               what               I               told               myself,               I               could               not               look               past               all               of               that               in               my               college.

It               was               at               college               that               people               were               supposed               to               accept               reason!

It               was               at               college               that               people               were               supposed               to               give               up               their               foolishness.

As               the               apostle               Paul               once               said,               "When               I               was               a               child;               I               talked               like               a               child               I               thought               like               a               child,               I               reasoned               like               a               child.

When               I               became               a               man,               I               put               childish               ways               behind               me."               This               was               what               was               supposed               to               happen,               yet               it               did               not.

Even               the               professors               continued               to               shout               down               evolution               as               an               Atheist's               attempt               to               steal               Christian               souls.
               The               last               day               of               School               could               not               come               fast               enough               for               me.

I               said               my               tear               felt               goodbyes               to               my               friends               and               drove               the               three               hour               trip               back               to               Lawrenceville,               IL.

A               month               after               I               returned               home,               I               was               able               to               get               a               job               at               Wal-Mart               Tire               and               Lube               Express.

The               three               breaks               that               I               received               while               I               worked               eight               hours               at               Wal-Mart               gave               me               ample               time               to               think               about               the               things               I               had               experience               the               past               school               year.

The               more               I               thought               about               it,               the               more               depressed               I               became.

I               knew               that               this               faith               that               I               had               accepted               the               majority               of               my               life               was               coming               to               an               end               for               me.

The               irrationalities               of               the               Christian               religion               had               finally               become               apparent               to               me.

I               dreaded               the               moment               that               I               would               finally               have               to               confess               to               myself               that               I               no               longer               accepted               that               Christianity               had               any               bearing               on               reality.

Even               more,               I               dreaded               the               moment               I               would               have               to               tell               the               girl               I               had               been               seeing               for               a               little               less               than               a               year.

I               knew,               with               her               mind               closed               off               to               all               questions               of               her               faith,               that               it               would               be               the               end               of               our               relationship.

I               had               no               idea               that               it               would               also               be               the               end               of               many               more               of               my               relationships.
               When,               one               day               as               I               was               sitting               in               the               break               room               at               work,               I               came               to               that               final               realization               that               I               no               longer               accepted               the               Christian               scriptures               as               more               than               ancient               Hebrew               myths               I               knew               I               had               to               tell               Amanda.

The               problem               was,               every               time               I               tried               to               think               of               a               way               to               tell               her,               I               saw               myself               avoiding               the               topic.

I               knew               I               could               never               tell               Amanda               what               I               had               realized               to               her               face.

I               knew               I               was               not               man               enough.

So,               I               decided               to               take               a               few               extra               minutes               worth               of               a               break               as               I               got               out               my               cell               phone               and               sent               a               very               nervously               typed               test               message               to               her.

Her               reply               was               a               little               different               than               I               thought               it               would               be.

It               simply               said,               "You               think               too               hard,               Dean,               Just               give               in."               And               while               I               knew               I               could               never               do               that,               I               had               hope               that               maybe               we               could               continue               this               relationship.

But               I               was               only               kidding               myself.

When               I               finally               told               her               face               to               face               the               decision               I               had               come               to,               she               broke               up               with               me,               though               it               took               her               a               few               days.

We               continued               to               hang               out               for               the               next               couple               of               months               as               friends,               though               I               knew               it               would               never               last               and               I               knew               that               I               was               only               making               the               situation               worse               for               myself.

When               the               time               finally               came               that               Amanda               found               a               new               boy               toy               while               on               a               mission               trip               in               Kentucky,               my               heart               was               broken.

But               I               went               to               talk               to               a               good               friend               who               I               loved               very               much.

This               friend               had               been               my               Youth               Minister               growing               up               in               Lawrenceville,               Matt.

While               I               was               telling               Matt               that               Amanda               had               put               an               end               to               us               once               and               for               all,               he               told               me               he               knew.

While               in               Kentucky,               Amanda               had               told               him               her               plans.

Then,               Matt               started               explaining               to               me               the               reason               Amanda               and               I               did               not               work               out.

It               was               all               me.

I               had               caused               the               relationship               to               split.

It,               according               to               Matt,               was               my               entire               fault.

It               was,               of               course,               me               who               had               left               the               one               true               religion               to               off               gallivanting               with               Satan,               The               father               of               lies               (whom               I               call               the               father               of               freedom).

I               have               talked               to               Matt               only               once               since               then.
               At               this               point,               I               wanted               to               deny               the               existence               of               God               all               together.

The               philosophical               problem               of               Evil               had               embedded               its               sharp               point               directly               into               my               heart.

This               was               cause               enough               for               me               to               consider               myself               an               Atheist,               for               a               short               time,               at               least.
               Once               my               mind               cleared               and               my               month               long               intoxication               ended,               I               rethought               my               stance               as               an               Atheist.

I               decided               that               even               if               the               mythologies               of               Christianity               were               irrational,               did               that               make               the               very               existence               of               a               God               irrational?

For,               I               thought,               if               a               god               does               exist,               he               would               be               quite               embarrassed               by               the               things               Christians               claim               about               him.

And               so,               I               began               to               ponder               the               very               existence               of               as               an               agnostic.

Through               the               studies               of               Richard               Dawkins,               I               decided               that               Atheism               was               no               less               dogmatic               and               irrational               as               Christianity.

So,               I               thought               to               myself,               where               does               this               leave               me?

As               an               agnostic,               I               felt               like               a               naked               man               with               no               home.

No               idea               of               God               to               call               his               own.

That               is               when               I               came               upon               a               book               by               an               English               Philosopher               named               Anthony               Flew.

The               book               was               called               "There               is               a               God".

As               I               read               it               I               was               amazed               at               Flews'               long               conversion               from               Atheism               to               a               natural               philosophy               of               God               called               Deism.

I               was,               by               the               time               I               started               read,               convinced               a               God               does               exist.

Flew               showed               me               that               while               religions               may               blur               the               character               of               God,               Deism               does               not.

It               is               a               simple               philosophy               based               on               acknowledging               the               creator               through               his               creation               with               no               special               revelation               (Scriptures,               prophets,               messiahs)               to               darken               our               perspective               of               God.

A               philosophy               based               on               the               nature               that               God               has               created.
               Since               that               point               in               my               life,               I               have               continued               to               accept               Deism               as               truth.

While               I               no               longer               have               contact               with               the               friends               who               left               due               to               my               sudden               realization               about               the               religion               that,               apparently,               held               us               together,               I               am               happier               then               I               have               ever               been.

I               am               now               able               to               see               God               through               my               own               eyes,               rather               than               through               the               eyes               of               men               who               lived               thousands               of               years               ago.

I               am               happy               to               say               I               have               discovered               a               philosophy               that               shows               me               there               is               truth               in               life,               the               universe               and               everything.






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